Hi, I’m Rebecca-Monique – an ICF accredited coach – and these are my passing thoughts. 

We parked up  by the football pitch and I was stunned. My 10-year-old son slammed his fist on the back of the passenger seat then buried his head in his hands. 

"I don't even want to play now," he blubbered through his fingers.  

What had I missed? I lowered the stereo. 

He'd accidentally worn his training kit instead of his match kit. Though an easy mistake to make because both kits are similar, this was the first time it had happened. 

I gave him a moment. A minute or two passed and he settled. Now he was refusing to get out of the car. 

To him, this was a very real disaster. My task now was to delicately balance validating his experience and encourage him to see things from a different perspective. 

I spoke to the coach and apologised. After all, it was also an error on my part for not checking before we headed out. A simple solution was reached. All was well.

Here are some reminders about making mistakes: 

Reminder 1: All emotions are temporary – both the wonderful and challenging ones.
They will come quickly and they will go just as fast. Challenging emotions stay for longer because typically, we don’t fully process them in the same way we allow ourselves to fully feel the euphoric ones. It’s one of the reasons we tend to remember more of our unpleasant experiences than the moments that bring us joy.      

At the core, my son felt shame; at the core, I felt guilt. Within 30 minutes, the intensity of these emotions had reduced significantly. 

Reminder 2: Acknowledging a mistake takes self awareness; owning it takes courage.
These virtues build a strong character because mistakes demand that we look at ourselves deeply as perfectly imperfect beings. Sometimes it's our resistance to owning our mistakes and our incapacity to hold space for the uncomfortable emotions that causes more suffering. Accountability says I made a boo boo and I will see through the consequences.  

My son desperately asked if I could go back home to get his match kit. Logistically, it didn’t make sense because it was a 40 minute drive one way. As disappointing as it was, this gave him an opportunity to practice acceptance.   

Reminder 3: We're human. That’s it; that’s the whole sentence.
Sometimes we drop the ball, we forget, we're absent minded, we let excitement get the better of us. Sometimes a good streak is interrupted. This doesn’t diminish our awesomeness. That’s why it’s important to cultivate self-compassion: so we can extend ourselves grace in the moments we need it most.  

Reminder 4: Other people aren't thinking about us as much as we think they are (or even at all!).
The boys wanted to play football. They were focused on winning the match, not if everyone had the right kit on. They couldn’t have cared less.  

Mistakes make us feel isolated because our thoughts misguide us into believing there’s something innately defective about us; who we are as an individual – that’s the shame talking.

The football kit was about belonging; a form of identity that makes us feel part of a group. No one wants to feel out of place. My son’s value wasn’t defined by the uniform. While he was fretting about his kit, it’s highly  probable that the other boys were preoccupied analysing their own performance.  

Reminder 5: Things turn out to be nowhere near as bad as we anticipate.  
Catastrophising is a cognitive distortion. It’s where we imagine the worst case scenario playing out. Sometimes when we make a mistake, it helps to ask ourselves the simple question: What’s the worst that could happen? The worst might be more tolerable than we think.   

Reminder 6: Every moment is a chance to begin again by focusing on what is in our control. We can’t undo the past but we can move forward wiser.  

He wore the wrong kit. OK. What it ideal? No. Could he still play? Yes. In future, will we both be triple checking before we leave home? Absolutely. 

After accepting the situation, my son eventually found his flow and played with confidence. Our boys won 6-2. It was a tear-free drive home. 

My question for you this week is this: 

What life wisdom can you unlock from your most recent mistake? 

Speak to you next week. Until then, be well.