Hi! I’m Rebecca-Monique – an ICF accredited coach – and these are my passing thoughts.
The mainstreaming of certain psychological terms – such as imposter syndrome and narcissist – has led them to not just becoming trendy but their overuse, misuse, and oversimplification. It’s particularly rife on social media where the bandwagon effect is common.
It’s human nature to put things in boxes. Over-intellectualisation results in an incessant need to ascribe meaning. It’s a form of gaining control; a way of turning confusion into clarity. And it can also be problematic.
Let’s take a look at some popularised terms.
Imposter syndrome
With imposter syndrome, individuals believe they’ve attained esteemed roles and positions not because of their competencies, but because of an oversight or luck.
When we look at the original 1978 study and more recent follow-up studies, a key component that people often miss is that individuals who are seen to have imposter syndrome have actually had a proven track record of success to a high, reputable standard. So this is prevalent amongst high achievers.
If, for example, you’re moving from a management position into a head of department role, it’s likely you’re anxious and nervous about performing well in the new role because it’s a big transition.
While you’ll have the transferable skills and the undeniable potential to excel, what you’re experiencing is unlikely to be imposter syndrome because you’ve not actually done it before. There’ll be many new elements of the role you’ll need to adjust to and learn.
The symptoms – such as anxiety and low self esteem – are similar, but the diagnosis in this case is incorrect. The anxiety may be induced because you’re aware of skills gaps that need to be plugged and you’re apprehensive about that jump.
It’s important to differentiate being nervous about taking a big leap in your career and imposter syndrome.
It’s also worth noting that if you’ve earned the promotion, you are absolutely not an imposter.
Trauma
Not everything is a trauma response.
It is innate, in our primal make-up to respond through fight, flight, freeze, mechanisms.
Maybe a person is responding to a threat – either real or perceived – in the moment and it has nothing to do with their past experiences. For example, snapping at someone. Perhaps a situation feels unjust and within the context of the moment, you’ve stood up for yourself.
Another example might be if you’re drawn to tears while watching a movie. This might have no direct link to your own personal trauma. It could just be a very moving scene that connects a universal human experience.
When we relate everything to our trauma, we over-identify with our past.
While we can all speculate and surmise, It’s also unhelpful to diagnose others, especially if we’ve never met them, we’re not a trained, qualified professional, and we’re not their clinical practitioner.
Toxic
Firstly people are not toxic; behaviours and attitudes are.
- Was it unpleasant?
- Are they manipulative?
- Are they controlling
- Are they self-centred
- Has their behaviour had a severe negative impact on you?
Maybe 'yes' to all the above.
That doesn’t necessarily mean they’re toxic. Some people are – implicitly or explicitly – struggling with their own stresses and trauma, and mental health challenges. Their supposed toxic trait may actually be maladaptive, protective and defensive behaviours that have manifested in different ways.
When an individual’s personality and interactions are engulfed in destructive behaviours the term toxic, in this instance, would seem appropriate.
Exposure to someone who exhibits toxic behaviour may result in you experiencing symptoms such as depression, anxiety, and severe low self esteem.
I’m not justifying ill-treatment of others, because we must be responsible and accountable for our actions and their impact. And without minimising your experience, It’s also worth considering some of the following examples:
- Are they toxic or dysregulated?
- Are they toxic or do they have an unhealthy attachment style?
- Are they toxic or do they lack self-awareness?
- Are they toxic or do they have an ineffective communication style?
Narcissism
Some people have narcissistic tendencies or traits – such as lack of empathy, an attitude of entitlement, envy, they might be manipulative, or arrogant. These are learned and adaptive behaviours.
An unpleasant person isn’t necessarily a narcissist, nor would they be considered to have narcissistic personality disorder – diagnosis with this follows very specific criteria.
The accuracy for stats on the NPD population are often questioned because many people go undiagnosed. Actual narcissists have such fragile egos and high levels of deep-rooted shame that it’s rare for them to admit their behaviour let alone seek professional help.
It’s incredibly apparent when you’ve been directly exposed to a narcissist because the scale of psychological and emotional damage these individuals cause is immense and long-lasting. Some of their victims don’t ever fully recover.
The majority of us at some point in our life have probably done something that could be construed as a little narcissistic however, we are not narcissists, neither do we have NPD.
Anti-social vs Asocial
Antisocial personality disorder is characterised by impulsive, irresponsible and often criminal behaviour. Someone with antisocial personality disorder will typically be manipulative, deceitful and reckless, and will disregard other people's feelings.
However, someone who is considered asocial will withdraw from engaging in social interaction.
- Maybe they’re an introvert
- Maybe they have social anxiety
- Maybe they lack confidence
- Maybe they are disinterested in the interaction
- Maybe they have a preference for solitary activities…
People often mean they are asocial rather than antisocial. This is a really important distinction.
Bringing everything together, sometimes these terms are used appropriately and accurately. But it’s unhelpful to slap on a label based on our limited knowledge of the concept or the person, or a single, isolated event. Not everything is black and white. We live in gradient greys. Many personality disorders and mental health ailments overlap in terms of symptoms and traits.
Somewhere, someone might regard you as a narcissist, or toxic or antisocial or always responding from your traumatic past. Is this a fair assessment of you?
Important to:
- 1. Get your information from reputable sources: such as looking out for references, reading original research papers, or asking a qualified professional.
- 2. Be accurate and specific with our descriptions
- 3. Limit our assumptions and catch ourselves where we may be projecting our own insecurities and discomfort onto others and events.
- 4Be careful when self-diagnosing. Seek help from a trained, qualified professional.
My question for you this week is this:
Thinking of a time you may have misused a psychological concept or term to describe someone – yourself included – what might have been a more accurate perception?
Speak to you next week. Until then, be well.
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REFERENCES:
- Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5)
- Clance, P. R., & Imes, S. A. (1978). The imposter phenomenon in high achieving women: Dynamics and therapeutic intervention.
