PASSING THOUGHTS
PASSING THOUGHTS with Rebecca-Monique is a soul-led podcast exploring the nuanced landscapes of loss and grief, trauma, inner healing, race, and identity.
Hosted by Rebecca-Monique—an ICF accredited grief and trauma coach, coach supervisor, and storyteller—each episode offers deep, reflective dives that blend personal insight with professional wisdom.
With compassion and clarity, Rebecca-Monique unpacks the layered truths of human experience, inviting listeners to feel informed, inspired, and affirmed. Expect rich conversations, powerful coaching prompts, and space to come home to yourself—again and again.
These are not just passing thoughts, but sacred pauses: where story meets reflection, and healing begins.
Soulful deep dives. Rooted reflections. Gentle truths for the journey.
PASSING THOUGHTS
EPISODE 65: WHY YOUR BOUNDARIES AREN'T WORKING AND HOW TO FIX IT | PASSING THOUGHTS PODCAST | rbccmnq
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Have you actually set a boundary?
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About host
Hi, I’m Rebecca-Monique: an ICF accredited (PCC) grief and trauma coach, and coach supervisor. My work is centred around supporting individuals through their healing and growth.
My specialist areas are grief, trauma, anxiety, depression, addiction, sense of Self (identity), boundaries and confidence. My modes of coaching are somatic (i.e. embodied awareness) and transformational (i.e. a focus on attitudes, values, beliefs, behaviours, etc.).
I have particular interests in social sciences and human-centred disciplines, including psychology, psycholinguistics, sociology, spirituality and philosophy.
I live in London, UK with my son (who is also blessed with the awesomeness that is hyphenated first names!).
You can find out more about my personal journey and what led me to becoming a coach here, and here.
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Hi, I’m Rebecca-Monique – an ICF accredited coach and coach supervisor – and these are my passing thoughts.
Boundaries affirm our limits; our own borders for what is acceptable and unacceptable. They are behavioural guidelines for the Self; agreements with ourself that honour the person we want to be and the life we want to live. They’re expressed as “I” statements.
Requests are our way of imposing a desired outcome from others. We make requests in an attempt to alter or control another person’s behaviour. Requests can be posed as questions or statements.
Ultimatums are demands that often come across as threatening, manipulative or aggressive. They’re usually communicated in one of two familiar formats: 1. ‘If this/ then that’ OR 2. ‘this or that’. Ultimatums can be interpreted as punishments or retaliation. They’re relational negotiations where there is a very apparent power imbalance.
Boundaries are in our control; requests and ultimatums are not, neither are they enforceable.
Let’s use an example to illustrate the differences:
- A Boundary says: If this person continues to speak to me in a disrespectful manner, I will end this interaction.
- A Request says: Can you show me some respect when you’re speaking to me?
- An Ultimatum says: If you don’t respect me then I’m going to cut you off completely.
My 2-part question for you this week is:
Which of your boundaries are actually requests or ultimatums and how can you bring the focus back to behaviour that is in your control?
Speak to you next week. Until then, be well.