PASSING THOUGHTS

EPISODE 92: THIS IS WHAT'S ACTIVATING YOUR SHAME | PASSING THOUGHTS PODCAST | rbccmnq

• Rebecca-Monique • Episode 92

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Number 5. Comparison

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Hi, I’m Rebecca-Monique: an ICF accredited (PCC) grief and trauma coach, and coach supervisor. My work is centred around supporting individuals through their healing and growth. 

My specialist areas are grief, trauma, anxiety, depression, addiction, sense of Self (identity), boundaries and confidence. My modes of coaching are somatic (i.e. embodied awareness) and transformational (i.e. a focus on attitudes, values, beliefs, behaviours, etc.).

I have particular interests in social sciences and human-centred disciplines, including psychology, psycholinguistics, sociology, spirituality and philosophy. 

I live in London, UK with my son (who is also blessed with the awesomeness that is hyphenated first names!).

You can find out more about my personal journey and what led me to becoming a coach here, and here.

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Hi, I’m Rebecca-Monique – an ICF accredited coach and coach supervisor – and these are my passing thoughts.

A quick, courteous note to say thank you for bearing with me last week. I caught a cold and was honouring my body’s need for rest and recovery. 

Let’s get into this week’s episode: 

There are two types of shame: healthy shame and toxic shame. 

Healthy shame keeps us humble and our moral compass in check. 

Toxic shame is deep cut; we disown ourself and maintain a guardedness. 

This type of shame says: 

  • There is something inherently wrong with me
  • I am not normal
  • I am weak
  • I am broken 
  • I am not worthy or deserving
  • I am not enough
  • I am not loveable. 
  • I am not as good as…

We develop a sense of Self through the relationships we have with others. 

Authority figures during our developmental years – such as caregivers, teachers, religious leaders, elders in our family – play an influential part in the shame we might carry into adulthood. 

Many labels that are placed onto us, ignite a sense of shame. For example, labels related to our appearance, personality, behaviour, thinking, or the way we see the world.  

Here are some instances where shame may be ignited:

  1. Judgement  
  2. Rejection 
  3. Abandonment 
  4. Inadequacy
  5. Comparison 
  6. Ridicule 
  7. Humiliation  

These situations can teach us a lot about our deepest, rawest wounds. If and when we’re ready to delve deeper, we may even be able to discover their origins and begin to heal them. 

My question for you this week is: 

Thinking back to the last time you felt shame, what activated this emotion for you? 

Speak to you next week. Until then, be well.